had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
