I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
