Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize