I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
