he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
