I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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