I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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