I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
