Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
