I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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