We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize