K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
