Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize