Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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