New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize