I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
