Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
