I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Can you bring me the toilet please
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize