im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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