Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
