I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
