were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
