So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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