He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
