I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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