dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
