I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
