it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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