I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh god it's open bar.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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