the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
