:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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