I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
