By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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