I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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