got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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