i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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