Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
