I think I died a long time ago.
I think my vagina is haunted
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
