My friends, they love my intelligence
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
