oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
