yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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