Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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