hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
