if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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