1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
