I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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