im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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