i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
