Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
