please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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