I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish I only lived at night.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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