What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
