Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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