before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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