We named our party play list daddy issues
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
