I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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