ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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