well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
