She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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