i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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