We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize