That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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