You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your penis caused this!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
