Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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