Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i would punch a child for taco bell
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
