Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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