And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
