I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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