I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize