don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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