mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
