so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
