You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
